I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
