Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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