It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize