And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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