I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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