pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
