I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
