my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
