and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
