you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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