i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
