fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
