Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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