so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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