my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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