sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
