Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize