that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
