I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
