She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
