On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize