Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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