when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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