apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize