She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
