her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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