I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
