I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
