so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
