I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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