Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
