I wannas sexs uuuuu
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
