i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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