btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
