false alarm. still invincible.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
