He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
