Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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