This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
