Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
