dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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