when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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