The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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