The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have aggressive nipples.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize