Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
