well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
