I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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