Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im holly from the hills drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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