A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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