watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
