Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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