saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
