just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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