Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize