i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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