Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
