Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize