Tell her she can't have a vagina
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've blown a few things in my day
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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