It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
