So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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