I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize