I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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