I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
