CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
