You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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