Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
