and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
