So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
