Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
