Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
