Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i came on her dog
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
