It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
