4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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