I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will be naked everywhere
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
