i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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