I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im part way to drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
