I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
