Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
