I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
