dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
