12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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