I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
