she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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