Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
