Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i have two assholes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
