There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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