Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Buhtt sex?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
